Therapy for Perfectionism Rooted in Childhood Emotional Neglect
Perfectionism often starts as a way to earn connection that felt conditional.
When connection felt conditional, achievement and agreeableness became the way to earn it:
Now you may be exhausted: tracking everyone else’s needs, holding impossible standards, listening to an unrelenting inner critic, and unsure who you are when you’re not performing. It often happens in families that were loving and well-intentioned, which is why it’s so easy to miss.
Many of my clients are accomplished and highly self-aware, and understanding the pattern hasn’t changed it. In therapy, we get to know the parts that work so hard and meet what they’ve been protecting, so rest and being known no longer feel like risks.
How perfectionism shows up in adulthood
Perfectionism that traces back to emotional neglect is rarely about the past directly. It shows up as patterns in the present:
Perfectionism that is relentless, with no finish line
People-pleasing and tracking everyone else’s needs before your own
A harsh inner critic that treats every mistake as a threat to connection
Exhaustion from performing, achieving, and holding impossible standards
Disconnection, difficulty resting, or not knowing who you are when you’re not performing
Difficulty with needs, such as asking for help, receiving care, or letting yourself be known
Many of my clients are accomplished, capable, and highly self-aware. They’ve often tried therapy, books, and self-reflection, and know their patterns well. They want the patterns to actually change.
Who this work is for:
Your childhood seemed fine, but you feel you have to earn your place
You hold impossibly high standards for yourself and quietly exhaust yourself for others
You live with perfectionism or people-pleasing that doesn’t respond to insight alone
You’ve done therapy before and want something more experiential
You’re driven and high-functioning but exhausted or disconnected
Psychotherapy Sessions
Sessions are offered in two timeframes:
50 minutes : $250
90 minutes: $325
I am an “out of network” provider meaning I do not work directly with insurance companies and session fees are paid directly by the client following each session. However, depending on your insurance plan, you may be able to be reimbursed for out-of-network therapy.
Psychotherapy Intensives
I offer several different therapy intensives for CEN:
*Learn more about Each by clicking above. Please inquire about intensive rates by filling out the contact form.
Feel free to check your out-of-network benefits by clicking here:
Frequently Addressed Patterns of Perfectionism:
When connection felt conditional, achievement and agreeableness became the way to earn it. Now you’re exhausted: tracking everyone else’s needs, holding impossible standards, and unsure who you are when you’re not performing. We get to know the parts that work so hard and meet what they’ve been protecting, so rest and being known no longer feel like risks.
What therapy looks like:
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Maybe you already know… but if not, we identify how emotional neglect shaped your adaptations and what they’re protecting.
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Developing the ability to notice, name, and tolerate emotion, often for the first time.
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Approaching the critic, the achiever, and the numb part with curiosity rather than fighting them.
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Known as Memory Reconsolidation-
Providing the new experiences that allow old beliefs (“my needs are too much,” “I’m on my own,” “I’m not enough”) to change.
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Carrying the changes into your relationships, work, and daily life.
Other FAQs:
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Yes. Emotional neglect is about what was missing, not about intent. Many parents who cared deeply weren’t able to attune to their child’s emotional world, often because it was never modeled for them.
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Trauma typically involves things that happened. Emotional neglect involves things that didn’t. The two can overlap, but neglect often requires a different focus, building what was absent rather than only processing what occurred.
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I believe trauma is any event that happened too much, too fast, too soon, or not enough. CED is a traumatic experience as we did not get enough of our emotional needs met well.
When other kinds of abuse (which is inherently traumatic) are present in childhood, there is always some kind of CED as well.
Therefore trauma treatment will always touch on the emotional neglect/abuse inherent in physically abusive acts.
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Understanding is a vital first step, but patterns formed through experience often need a new experience to shift. That’s the focus of my work.
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Yes. I’m licensed in California, Virginia, Washington, and Florida.